|
HELP! aspiedad with a dream...
Got land?
'click' What's new
"The world is not so puzzling
when you help me fit into it".
PJO, 2006
| |
Share Your Story from:
Jack , Twin Cities , MN
Someone has to go first… I was introduced to Asperger’s Syndrome when my son was
around 6 years old, that’s about 4 years ago. I was certain all the traits
identified in my son were easily explainable as products of his environment or
inherent qualities that were ‘normal’.
The issues with underdeveloped gross motor skills had to be due to our living in
an apartment with out steps and room to run. His emotional issues with peers and
inappropriate behavior must have been caused by his lack of same-aged children
to play with. I could explain the eye contact thing as he is just shy or it
wasn’t present at all. I had an explanation in what I thought was clear logic
for it all and I felt they just have it all wrong and we're getting railroaded
into something here. When I accepted I was wrong and the educators and
neurologists were right, I was riddled with emotions, I would say looking back
that I felt helpless. What was I supposed to do about this? I could fix
everything…
That’s what a man does, a dad, he fixes things, he can put the chain back on the
bike, he can repair the faucet, he can glue and cut and nail and saw and be
there to slay the monster under the bed at a moments notice but, what the heck
was I going to do about this? Who would/ could I talk to without letting my
secret out or leave myself open?
I couldn’t admit I felt weak, or wrong or less of a man than the guy next door
or at work who’s kid was on all the teams…My bosses were not buying the stories
related to how my son just couldn't do school today (again) and I need to stay
home with him- I had to get through this. What was I going to do? My spouse and
I had problems understanding each others feelings about Asperger’s and our son.
I submitted myself to all kinds of groups intended to open the doors and answer
questions. I felt like even more of a loser amidst all the mothers that
frequented them- I sure couldn’t open up there. I attended seminars for support
staff by professionals whose jargon lost me after the introductions. But I was
making progress. I decided the only way I am going to understand this and get a
grip on it all was to take it on myself. For my son I would figure this out. I
applied my fix-it nature by gaining knowledge and tools to help us both.
I bought books and more books. I learned it all, I found others like me to
listen too and read about what they did and how they manage. I leaned on my
son’s educational support team of teachers, psychologists and Autism Specialists
for help decoding terms. I tried anything they suggested to improve my son’s
experience at school and in life as a whole. I was lucky to have them willing to
work with my ideas too. I’m not sure who has a bigger relief at the end of each
school year, but I know both my son and I couldn’t do it with out them.
Now I get it. I get me. I’m not a loser, I can’t fix it- but I know Asperger’s.
I don’t get frustrated by those that don’t understand it. I move forward and try
to educate those who are interested and I listen to other parents. I have
embraced this new world and walk side by side with my son or never far behind
him. I have got him covered and perhaps he has me covered as well.
Advice? Just be there for them all the way, trust is crucial and listen to them
closely, let them make their point, they may need coaching to get to it or not
but, really that’s all they want is to be understood and know someone cares and
they can trust them never to turn on them, just mentor them, teach them, walk
with them celebrate the triumphs, and soothe the shortcomings...Tomorrow is
another day, rest your head, dad is here and you're safe. The rest is easy.
PS=Oh and find time to let yourself freak out once in a while when it's safe
and no one is going to think you lost your mind or get scared, I go shopping, or
take a drive, or a long walk (do your thing) and sometimes I just find a spot
and sleep away the couple of hours I have to my self. I vent to friends who
understand Asperger's by way of living it too. Sanity awaits you there.
Jack
|
